Melancholy

It might have had a little to do with my bank account balance, which I saw on my ATM receipt this morning, or maybe that had nothing to do with it. Either way, my day which started out as a day I had taken off for a little me time turned sour.

I love movies, real well written movies that make you feel satisfied that you just watched them. Ergo, I loved spanglish. It's well written, just long enough. And yet, as happens occasionally to me when I watch these movies, I got sour after watching it. It had nothing to do with the movie and I suspect everything to do with me.

Aside from the occasional outing, movies are my escape. They are the last vestige of my artistic side I still try to keep a connection to, for reasons as yet beyond me ( Refer to previous posting). I used to write. A lot. Poetry, Novels. I used to sketch - a lot. I love languages. I dabble with spanish and a little french. As it is currently my only escape, I get a little withdrawal anxiety once its over. I wish I could continue to live in the movie, in someone else's life for a while and put mine on hold, or hibernation in computer parlance.

While it is not always recommended I'm sure, I decided to take a chance at a little self analysis, as this was not the first time I felt this way. The first thing that comes across quite obviously is that if I don't want to come back to my own life, it must suck intensely. Not so. It leaves a lot to be desired, no doubt, but there is also a lot good about it. Of course, this could all be denial. More on that, maybe a little later. I'm still not convinced that people I know won't be reading this blog.

The second thing I zero in on is that one of the characters in the movie is a lot like me. He's a professional Chef, an all around good guy finally living in his dream jobscape. But his personal life.. not so great. We are un-alike if there is such a word in the sense that I cook for fun and dabble with computers for a living, but I would love to have a restaurant, preferrably just like his one day. Unfortunately, while his personal life could be great - he's married, two sweet kids, - it's just not. Watch the entire movie and you get an answer to why his is not so great.

Now I just wish I saw the script of my life and knew about mine. As yet, I'm not sure my blog postings are making any sense, but stay with me, I might start figuring this all out soon enough.

J.T.